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Hi Ashley,
I am an adoptee who found my birthfamily without telling my aparents. I told them very shortly after my first contact with them, however, and now I wish I had waited. The reason is because I had no idea that the numb emotions I felt would be so life-consuming and that I would need time to process and deal with these newfound relationships and that part of my identity. When my amom got into the mix it took even more focus off my own need to deal because I had to then think about her emotions, which are also very complex. I wish I had gotten to know my birthfamily first because I then started dealing with more "guilt" and feeling like a "bad daughter" because I had searched and found my birthfamily. My amom needed to be a part of it all but what I truly needed was to do it for myself and on my own, for the first time in my life. Own my own search/reunion, deal and grow and heal, etc. I think adopted people sometimes have a hard time with this and we want to make everyone happy and we get very bound up over this, forfeiting our own growth. This is just my own experience and opinion.
Growing
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