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Originally Posted By Lauri

(This is long)Hi Dana. First of all, we have decided to go through with it and are currently at the beginning of the process to adopt from either Korea or China. We tried to have another bio child and weren't able to (my age being the main factor: I'm almost 44). As far as the emotional problems of adoptees...I have not looked into that and I think you need to be careful as far as the source of your information. Could it be that the vast majority of adoptees don't have any of the issues you mentioned, but you don't hear about them because they just live their lives quietly and don't see therapists or write books or participate in adoption chats? I think that when you browse through a lot of these adoption message boards, for example, you get a skewed sense of the way people feel about about various issues because certain types of people may be more inclined to participate in these dialogues. When you read some of these boards it seems as if all adoptees are desperate to establish a relationship with their birthmothers and feel there's this big hole in their lives, etc., etc., but I suspect there's a lot of adoptees out there who may be curious about that, but are perfectly happy and secure with their adopted families and don't identify so strongly as "an adoptee". But they don't post. Yes, we did have doubts around tempting fate when we are so happy with our family as is, but...I don't know: no guts, no glory?! I love being a Mom and I just wanted to do it again. I think the reasons for wanting children are ultimately selfish; it's because YOU want the joy and experience. When you get pregnant, for most intents and purposes it's a fait accompli; the baby is coming and the decision is made. I think it's harder to take the leap when you adopt because you can change your mind anywhere along the way. I don't think you need to be 100% free from doubt. I think if you DON'T have doubt and a little fear then you're not being realistic. Parenthood is a big commitment and having another child throws more variables into the mix. But...no guts, no glory. That sounds stupid, but in a way that sums it up for me. I don't want to not do something because I'm scared of a little risk. Sorry I went on for so long, but I've thought about this A LOT.