[waiting home]

with the 13-year-old out of state "waiting" girl we wanted to adopt.

She went back and forth on whether she wanted to be adopted. When she was listed and we responded, things moved along rather quickly (although it didn't seem like it at the time, all the waiting).

We were chosen as her forever family and she vanished. She freaked out because she realized she was actually going to be adopted and move to another state. Even though she was all excited about the prospect, loved our family book, began phone conversations with our family.

She fell apart. When the case worker and the foster mom called to tell me, I panicked too. They were not concerned too much (later find out she's done it before for other reasons). The fact that they were so casual about it made me really angry. She was gone for three days and we were worried sick.

They found her living in someone's storage shed. We decided that I should go out there and spend some time with her because everything came to a screeching halt once we got to the ICPC part.

So, long story short, I went out there, spent 5 days with her (one on one). She finally moved in with us about 2 months later. She was here 3 months before she TOTALLY FREAKED OUT (I won't scare you with her tactics she used to sabotage the adoption) but she ended up going back because she did not want to be adopted PERIOD.

We've been told that this is a real risk with the older kids. And it is very common to see these kind of behaviors. They have been through so much. They know the system too. And we were told, once a runner, always a runner.

I know how you feel. You want to jump in and rescue her. But its not as easy as that. These are really hurting kids. It all depends if you can put up with the running because it will probably happen when she comes to you live with you too. When BIG things happen, they run.

Ask if they will let you talk to her when they find her. She what she tells you.

They will be looking for her, but not the way a parent would be looking for a lost child. She will be on police look out, and might question friends to see if they know where she is at (that's how they found our young lady). But they won't be out night and day searching for her. I know that is heart-breaking. I was soooooo sick those three days she was gone. But she thought nothing of it.

15 is really tough. They are going through so much just being that age. I wouldn't be a teenager again even if you paid me to. Teenage girls are a whole other ballgame.

You have to remember too, even if she tells you she is, she is not on the same page as you are with this. She has probably been promised so many things and let down over and over again by the adults in her life. She most likely does not see adoption as a rescue and the promise of the bright future you have planned for her.

This is heavy duty. I'm not saying to give up on her (NEVER EVER WOULD I SAY THAT) but you have to see this as a red flag and acknowledge what is behind this behavior.

Keep us posted and I pray for her safe return and that you are able to come to a decision.

If you would like to talk further about it, please PM me.