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Well, it's been four days since T. got her letters and it still seems like it was the right thing to do.
J.Ro, I sent you a private message also, but I'll tell you more about our experience here as well.
We had a lot of what-ifs running through our heads too and we proceeded with A LOT of caution when we made contact. I did not use any last names. I did not write anything about our family or where we live. I sent the letters to my mom in CA to mail from there for the postmark and I used my brother's business address out in the midwest as a return address.
My letters told them that we had adopted T. and she sometimes asked questions about them and worried a lot about their health and emotional state. I told them a little about the things T. likes to do and how she was doing in school and gymnastics and general things about her life. I asked if they would mind establishing some contact through letters and I sent her school picture.
We worried they would not respond at all or respond with letters that said things like, "you were stolen from us," or "remember who you real family is," or harmful things like that. They wrote letters back to me and T. To me, they offered thanks and told me that had worried about their children everyday all this time. They told me I had eased their fears and they would love whatever contact we would allow. T's mom wrote her a three page letter that told her how sad she was to have lost her, but how happy she was to know that she was adopted and safe and loved. She told her that she thinks about her everyday and loves her immensely. It was heartbreaking, but also validated T's life with us.
It's only been a few days, but I think it was the right thing to do and very good for T. Since she was four, she has not expressed any feeling or shared many stories about her birthfamily and her removal. Already, she is doing that. Last night she asked me if I was ever taken from my parents. I told her no and she said, "Trust me. You don't want to know how that feels. It's horrible!" Then she went on to tell me what a stupid jerk her first worker was and how wrong it was for him to take her away. I thanked her for sharing her feelings and tried to explain why that happened. She's refused to listen to that story and insists it is because her grandmother has diabetes. For the first time I was able to talk to her about the hard stuff in her childhood and she was able to listen and respond intelligently. It looks like making this contact is opening a lot of doors for her emotionally. I know we have some hard days ahead and I'd bet money the next time she is mad at us she'll talk about wanting to live with her "real mom", but it will still be worth it.
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