[bromanchik]

First of all let me start by saying that I encourage most moms to take their baby home from the hospital and spend a week or two with the baby before making any final decisions. The bottom line is that seeing and holding your child is a huge piece of nformation in making a well-informed decision. Secondly, there are a number of theories that discuss the symbiotic relationship of a mother and child that extends one to two weeks past childbirth. Seperating during that time can actually be more traumatic for both the mother and the baby. I know quite a few birthmoms who have had their child with them for a few weeks after birth. It made their decision to place stronger.
Most birthmoms can describe in great detail the feelings of physical amputation that it feels like when we are seperated from our babies. I do not hear those kinds of descriptions from those who have parented for a few weeks.

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

Either that or she is taking this "very open" adoption to extremes. Knowing she isn't able to parent, but wants to experience the joys of her new baby before handing her over to you(which I'm sure will be much harder for her to do after weeks of bonding with her...as HER BABY.)

She has been bonding with "HER BABY" for nine months. She is attached, no matter what. Why should she not experience some joy with her baby? I tell adoptive parents that they will have the rest of their lives to experience the joy of being this child's parent. Why would they want to deny the birthparent this small amount of time in the larger scheme of things? Especially if it is a good thing for both the birthmom and her baby?

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

A child can bond with an adoptive parent at any age. Yes the child will experience a loss(being seperated from birthparent) but I do not believe that a newborn baby really suffers like some theories would have you to believe...I believe the feelings of loss come more as the child grows and tries to understand everything and her place in the world.

Do you really want to be the one to say, "Your birthmom wanted to spend a couple weeks with you after you were born but I wanted that time with you."? I think that will do more to impact his/her feelings of loss. Stolen time....

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

I don't know anything about the pbmom but even in the few weeks she may have the child. What she does with the child will affect the babies ability to bond.

Do you really think a birthmom is going to waste that precious time with their child by distancing themselves? Most birthmoms I know grab every minute and try to burn it in their memory. If they are choosing adoption out of love and care for the child, why do you think that their needs won't be met?

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

Besides, I could not bare to think of missing out on those first few weeks of life, when in most "normal" infant adoption the child is placed at birth or shortly after. I wouldn't want my child to go through the extra pain and confusion of one mommy to another...one feeding and sleeping schedule to another. I'd want to be there for my baby from the start....building that bond from the start(as my childs mom).

Whose to say what is "normal"? In the first part of the century it was illegal for a birthmother to leave her infant before 3 months. It was considered abandonment. Before infant adoption became popular, women were encouraged to care for their babies even if they were to be adopted. They felt it was best for the child. The only thing that changed was the demand for infants. You say it is about the child's needs, but it is plain from this statement that it is really about your own. There is no extra "pain or confusion" to a child going from one mommy to another whether it is a few days after birth or a few weeks. Babies recognise their mother's smell, voice and movements right after birth. They prefer their mothers and can distinguish their mother's breast milk. This has been well researched and documented.
Babies cognitive abilities do not change from day three to three weeks. Nor does their ability to identify their mother's smell, etc.As for feeding, sleeping schedules, the "schedule" a baby has the first couple months of a baby's life is extremely fluid, as any sleep-deprived new parent will tell you.

Originally Posted by mom2GRLC

I think starting off an "open" relationship in this way is unhealthy for everyone involved. I can see a lot of problems arising from this situation. A lot more heart ache for everyone.

I could not disagree more. I think it allows to make the transition gentle, instead of abrupt. I think it also helps the mom make sure she is making a well-informed choice to place, based on what she believes is best for both her baby and her. Why wouldn't you want that decision to be firm and sure?

I would talk to her about having visits during that time. About possibly taking some blankets with her scent on them with you when the baby comes home with you. If you ever want to talk about how I have seen this work for all involved I would be happy to talk to you jen. This does not have to be a my way or the highway kind of situation.