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Jules,
I am so sorry you had this experience. You did absolutely the right thing. Dealing with sexual abuse and sexual reactivity issues is VERY draining and difficult and DEFINITELY not for everyone! It is outrageous how you were treated by your agency. The worker's idea of unconditional love is very warped. Would she agree to an arranged marriage in which she saw no photograph and did not meet her husband before making that commitment? Oh, and the marriage would not be arranged by parents or elders or people who knew and cared about her, but by, oh, say, the Department of Human Services? This worker should do some long term respite and THEN talk about this unconditional love garbage! Nancy Thomas's book's title says it all: When Love is Not Enough.
Our kids definitely have far more serious problems than what we were told while visiting. No one was trying to delude us, really, it was more a case of no one doing appropriate assessments or even getting to really know the kids. We turned down some referrals because we could tell we were not getting the whole story, and from what we could see, there would be very, very serious issues afoot.
This is a hard path, and it's not for everybody. Some people do have positive experiences, and you can read their posts on these boards. But there are definitely those who have suffered mightily, too. If you decide this isn't for you, that is perfectly fine, and don't let some judgmental, clueless social worker who has never lived with an emotionally disturbed child tell you otherwise. If you decide that this rocky path is the one that is meant for you, know that you will get support from your fellow travelers here on the boards.
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