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Lori - thanks for the kind words. I bet you are SO glad that you did trust your heart. You know it's funny because like I said this was the best meeting of all the presentations, so much so that my husband and I thought something was amiss... well, I guess we should have listened to our gut.
I re-read my post, I had a point about the teddy bears. So what happened with the teddy bears is that the older girl started testing us and "acting out" with them while in her car seat. I was a deer in head lights, I was sad and mortified at the same time, like I said without going into to details it was really shocking what she was capable of. I learned something about myself...when faced with this, I knew that I did not have the personality to deal with it or see her thru it. I also knew it was not her fault but just could get past the behaviors which made me not want to be around her. My husband was really wonderful through all this, he interacted with the girls while I was a total stress ball - we have always offset each other but in this case, he was really my rock.
I have a 4yr. old niece who I just adore. I could not help but compare the two, it's just sad really. Lori, what you mentioned was my fear, that she would act out with my niece because we would truly be spending a lot of time around them, I could not live with that.
Crick - our agency worker did mention that she did not agree with the "lax" attitude of the county worker and the fmom but she had not suggested a visit until it was too late. The county worker and fmom said "one fell swoop" was best. The girls did not react much, the little one cried a bit and then was easily distracted. I know that "attachment disorder" goes both ways and I definitely think these girls were non-discriminative with who they would go with. I agree about what you said about play therapy, the county worker quickly read through the results. Then to make us feel comfortable even said the therapist would be willing to see them during the transition to another therapist (we did not live by the one they were going to). My personal feeling is that the older sister who was in a placement with them was probably acting out with them. They said that she was nice to them when adults were looking but mean when she didn't think they were looking. You are right about our agency not acting on our behalf. Looking back on it, I was thinking "were was the support that were told we would get?" Instead we were criticized. At one point we were even told that we would have to keep the girls until Monday, I told our agency worker "no, that is not acceptable" and that I found it very hard to believe that just because it was a "holiday" weekend that no one was on call at the county... unbelievable. After I said that, our agency worker folded and magically got a hold of someone at the county (what a surprise!)
Crick - also, thanks, I will PM you.
Happy123 - that so weird that your situation is opposite of most (meaning county was better in your situation). I really have mixed emotions. I know we wont be using our agency anymore. Our agency worker did have knowledge it was her personality and attitude that turned us off right from the beginning (again probably should have listened to the gut feeling). At the meeting with the county worker and issue came up about us being able to do mandatory meetings with the bio mom on Mondays at 5:00 - my husband and I are not home until 6:00 those days and just couldn't do it. Our agency worker had suggested the county provide a person who would come pick up children and take them to appointments (I forget what they are called) but county worker was not going to suggest it. It's little stuff like that that makes me wonder which is better? Honestly, if we do attempt it again - attitude is #1 on my list.
Thanks all for empathizing with me. Really, it was one of the worst experiences ever. I didn't have any expectations and I knew that children would not be perfect... but I was really bummed. The week before we had turned down two boys, so I was excited that we got a call for these girls. I had to take a day off both weeks unexpectedly and boss was good about it. Then when we decided to go forward with placement both my husband and I were going to take about 4 weeks off at a moments notice, our bosses were great. All of the "arrangements" definitely came with stress though, lots of work and coordination. I guess I was disapointed because I thought that we were on the path to parenthood finally. We are young, but man, this is exhausting. First infertility, now this road... ladies I am sure I am not alone when I say this but I know that I want to be a mother and I am amazed sometimes that I keep moving forward to reach that goal that never seems to be in sight.
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