[flowergoddess]

Oh Jules. I"m so sorry this has happened to you. I've never been involved in foster except for one instance and I felt the same way you are right now.

In our situation, the SW told us about an 8 yo girl. We got her one weekend and it went well. Her FM called one night to check on her and was raving about her. However, she also told me that she had one adopted son and was in the process of adopting a sib group of 3, but didn't want to adopt this girl, B. I found this strange since B had been with her 2 years. Then, on the Mon after the visit, SW calls and wants us to adopt her. Not foster to adopt, just outright adopt her. I told her I didn't feel comfortable with that and she said, "well, just start the adoption process and you can stop if if you want to." I told her I definately didn't think that was healthy for the child, so we let her go. About 3 months later, I was talking to a friend of mine who did respite for the same agency and she knew B. She told me that B had a horrible background with sexual abuse and was acting out on the other children in foster mom's home. She said that another couple had started to adopt her, but had to also terminate because she was molesting their 4 yo.

That said, I'm thankful I trusted my heart. I feel so sorry for that child, but she was beyond what we could handle. I believe that God will send you the child/children that he desires for you to have.

Keep your chin up and try not to feel guilty.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.