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I'd say that you need to have a real discussion with your husband. I adopted my 4 step-children not so much for the name change, but so that they'd never have to worry about who their father was and we'd have some peace of mind if any thing ever happened to my wife.
Of course, my two youngest boys (then 8 and 9) started calling me "dad" as soon as my dw and I were engaged and my oldest boy (then 12) started calling me "dad" right after we were married. My daughter (then 14) - well, that's another story (shakes head...)
I would say that you and your dh need to talk this out and also talk with your 12 y/o son. The work (and $$$) of adoption one child is about the same as two.
Tim
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