[annaguat]

With help from our social worker we came to the same conclusion and are now in process for two infant girls. I was concerned about the high needs of the toddler aged child if we did toddler and infant. Also you do not know what personality and circumstances the toddler has gone through. I wanted time to enjoy the baby and not worry about agression of the toddler to the baby as the toddler would most likely have bonding needs. I think it is different if it is a toddler in your home that has been there since infancy. We have done that multiple times and I realy and enjoyed that. We did older children once and it was very hard for everyone. Anna

Originally Posted by LauraP0322

Angie we had the EXACT same concerns. After meeting some local families that have adopted from Russia with a toddler and infant, and they told us all the issues they had bonding with their toddler and all the work they had to do. I remember thinking the whole time, "But what about your baby? Doesn't she deserve some one-on-one bonding time?" We went home and I told my husband that if we adopted a toddler and infant at the same time, as we had planned, I'd just feel guilty and inadequate that the baby wasn't receiving the attention and nurturing they deserved and I'd feel guilty and tired if I couldn't do it "all" to nurture the bonding in our toddler.

So that night we decided to adopt "like-twins." We wanted twins or 2 infants as close in age as possible. This way their wants and needs would be close and we could devote our time to both of them more-or-less equally. Our son and daughter are 12 days apart. Though it was crazy for the first few months, it was good crazy. In the long run, I think it's actually easier than having a toddler and an infant (especially after watching my sister with her 2 that are 20 months apart.) We just brought home our 13-mo old -- not an infant, closer to toddler-age -- and there are a lot more bonding issues than we had with our 2 older kiddos who came home at 7 mo. I knew we wouldn't do 2 again, but I'm really happy that we waited 4 years so the older 2 adapted pretty well to having a little sister.

If this is an interest for you, you may want check out the like-twins yahoo group for lots of insight on the subject.

Good luck with your decision. Just remember, it's YOUR family and YOUR decision. There's no right answer for everyone.

LauraP