Hello AdrienneG,
I'm a relative placement of my cousin's child and we've been in this for 2-years. It will change the family dynamics, but there's no reason why this can't work out wonderfully. I'll try to answer many of your questions, through the paragraphs.
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Originally Posted by AdrienneG
We are potential adoptive parents.
What my concerns are the pbmom wants this to be an open adoption, and so does my husband and I. However, her mother has not yet reported to the family (to the other aunt and cousins) that her child is pregnant and that we are planning on adopting her child.
I personally feel that it is her child, and thus her choice as to when she will break the news to everyone.
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Yes, this information is not for you to tell. Your family will know that you're adopting, but there's no reason to say who the bmom is. It already sounds like you're very open when talking about this child being adopted, so that's all the information you really need to say. Let the bmom tell the extended family if that is her choice. You must respect her wishes on this decision.
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Have you experienced this yourself? Dissent and opinions in the family against your adopting a child?
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Actually, most of the family is supporting us on the adoption of this child, including bmom's family. They're petrified that the bmom would ever get her hands on this one or her other children, because of her instability. The bmom was supporting us adopting also, until some "family issues" came to light and now she's blaming us for them, so she contested the adoption because of it. (Whole other thread for this stuff. LOL)
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My main concern is that we find the pbfather. I want him to at least have the information that he has a child that is going to be placed for adoption. I would rather the pbfather has the information to decide if he wants to raise the child himself or agree to the adoption. I would not prefer that his rights are terminated because they can't find him, yet I accept that this could happen. I feel strongly that both pbparents should have the chance to have a say the baby's adoption.
Sincerely,
Adrienne
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The PBfather is a VERY important person in this adoption plan. I would definitely have pbmom try to contact him and speak with him about this. If he's willing, also speak with him regarding an open adoption. He needs to know and make an informed decision, not one made in haste or out of anger at pbmom.
You are very right, that an adoption won't cure family problems or issues with pbmom, but it can add a whole lot of other dimensions to deal with. Just take them all in stride and know that you're making the right choices for your family, this child, and the pbparents. Good luck and let us know how it's going.
Mom2J