[Devora]

Becky & Amy,

For what it's worth, it seems to me that because you know this information, you can use it early on even without telling your child things they aren't old enough to handle. By that, I mean that you can make sure you don't say things that reinforce a "saintly" image. Even if it's general statements -- without knowing the details, it's hard to give an example. But even something like letting them know that it is very difficult to make an adoption plan for a child and that some parents cope with that by asking for pictures/contact and other parents cope with that by not asking for pictures/contact. That way, whichever the situation is, they've both in the context of "making an adoption plan is hard to do" and it's not like you're passing judgement.

They do sound like very hard situations. I think lots of families have those kinds of things to deal with -- that's why I value discussions like this! It helps me to talk about the issues BEFORE they actually come up.

Devora