[Devora]

Amy, I find it interesting that you were somewhat frustrated by the lack of specific guidance, for example on the issue of ignoring culture vs. going too far and appropriating culture. I read the book in a slightly different light -- I think Cheri intentionally wasn't giving specific dos and don'ts because the bigger point is that we need to be listening closely to our children on these issues throughout their lives for how their needs and experiences change over time; and that we need to be monitoring our own ways of thinking over time. I didn't see the chapters about ignoring culture vs. appropriating culture as being contradictory -- just that she was illustrating how some parents (including herself) go too far one way and some go too far the other -- and sometimes one person can do both at different times.

I find it interesting that some people feel she portrayed international adoption negatively. Being the mom to two children she adopted internationally and having been involved in international adoption for many years, I think she's actually very supportive of it. And I think her book is an attempt to get people to think about issues so that the experience of international adoption can be an even more positive one. I think what she's critical about is how parents (herself included) sometimes swing the pendulum too far on some of these issues.

While in some ways I would have liked some concrete dos and don'ts, I think I actually was more challenged by the open-ended nature of the book. These are issues I need to keep thinking about over the years. There are no answers -- just an ongoing process.

Great discussion!! I hope more people chime in!
Devora