[becky]

Anne...I agree. I will take her words a step farther...not only do almost all adoptive families face times of crises that could be erased by therapy...I would say that almost ALL families face times of crises that could be erased by therapy. Again...what is adoption related and what is not. Of course there is no way to ever really know the answer to that.

As parents the best we can do is listen to our children, be aware of and respectful of their feelings, call 'BS' when they play the 'it's because your not my real parent game'...and live life.

You bring up an excellent point about her blaming her children on not being biologically related to her for why she couldn't 'mold' them....as I said in my earlier post, as the mother of 4 biological children...they couldn't me more different from one another and very much different from me. Do I see some similarities? Sure...but I also see them in my adopted daughter. I think so of this woman's perspective is because she only raised adopted children...so she has no comparison group if you will.

I'd like to bring up a different issue...one not discussed in the book, but more personal to my situation as a parent. I have done a birthmother search and had disasterous results. I won't go into a lot of details, but just suffice it to say that I could never see myself willingly helping my daughter find her birthfamily. Not because I don't believe in it...I do, that's why I spent so much money and time trying to make contact....but because of the things I have learned since I made contact...all things that I think would be very hurtful to my daughter if she ever found out.

My dilemma...if and when the time comes that Bella asks for me to help her find her birthmother...do I tell her I've already done it and tell her the things I know? Do I play dumb and just go along and 'hope' we do not find her a second time?

I cannot imagine what I am going to do when this happens...