[ddhuab]

I had read a few negatives here, so I thought it was going to be a real downer, but I actually thought it brought up some important issues... I LOVED that it was written by a mother with adult children, and I loved the fact that this issue is so important to her that for twenty five years she has read articles and books and recetnly attendended a conference that involved adult international adoptees.

Register is certainly correct in stating that only in the last few years have we been given the chance to hear about international adoption from an adult adoptee's perspective.

The question of Adolescence vs. Adoption anger/confusion is one that I think about often... along with the fact that such feelings of angst can start earlier than what we typically think of the teenage years. I agree that I found Cheri's stories informative as she read more into the situation in retrospect than she did at the time the event/discussion occurred.

The thing that affected me in the most "negative way," I guess, was when she mentioned her daughters never really feeling connected to the extended family. She touched on a secret fear that I have for my future child/children. Of course, I have been feeling quite disconnected from most of my family anyway (except my mother -- I am an only child), since I moved away and my grandparents died, and it becomes strikingly apparent, each time I visit, that my social beliefs are very different from most of my extended family's. I think the transracial issue could make a strained relationship even more likely, but there is a good chance it would be something that likely was apparent regardless of the race of our adopted child.... and, truly, it could be the same situation if we had a biological child, except I think That Single, Genetic Connection would possibly be the ONE THING that might make them feel connected to any child of mine.

I have a SIL, however, who was adopted from Korea at the age of 3 weeks -- or maybe 3 months, but I remember thinking that was REALLY young -- (her parents were stationed in Korea at the time and they went to the orphanage to get her). Anyway, she seems to be QUITE integrated into her family (and very much with the extended family, as well) and has never showed any interest up to this point of getting in touch with her roots. I want to talk with her about it soon (probably this summer when/if we get a chance to go visit them). Her grandmother even gave the family engagement ring to her, despite the fact that she is the second daughter in her immediate family, and she is the only one that is adopted... the family does not seem to think of her as "adopted" at all.

I have one more comment/question (for now), but I am going to post it seperately so that all my points don't get jumpled up into this already too-long post.

D.