[csw]

I haven't read it yet..maybe I will pick it up...I have a 14 year old son..you are right..sometimes its hard to tell what is adoption issues vs. 'normal' kid issues..he has said hurtfull things to me when he is upset or angry..the old 'you are not my mother' type of things..what we went through in Peru was a nightmare and I would have thought from him reading the journals I wrote at the time, seeing all the photo's he would understand what we went through to bring him home..but alas..kids esp teenagers are a bit self centered..I am hoping when he is older he will truly understand how much we wanted him and how much we went through (living in Peru for 6 months etc..) for us to be a family. He is realizing he is not 'white' and I am so happy about that..I never dwelled on the differences but made sure he knew he was indigenous Quechua and proud of his heritage..which he is..he has Peruvian artifacts, is learing Spanish and knows about the Inca history etc..
I am actually surprised with how well things go as far as adoption issues, and I think a large part is that I started when he was very young..making him feel very special because he is adopted. We also give him the option of going back to Peru whenever he is ready, and meeting his birthfamily..so I think that has really helped. He got out a box of his things from Peru and I got teary..the outfit the foster mother brought him to me in etc..his first white shoes..
Read up as much as you can, go to seminars etc..and yes there will be trying times, like with any child..but things have a way of working out..he seemed to have alot of anger issues and we had him in counseling..do whatever it takes and things will work out ok..just be there for them and listen to what they have to say and don't take things personally if they are angry at times..