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Originally Posted by emsd55
Are there any adoptees that never had the desire to look for parents but wanted to get medical information and had a hard time getting that information or receiving wrong information.  |
I agree with Missing in that not all adoptees have a desire to find their bmother nor their first fathers and not all bmothers want contact with the children they gave birth to and relinquished.
I gave birth to a daughter 38 years ago and just recently she made contact through a 3rd party, telling me she wanted to let me know she was fine but that she did not want a reunion, nor did she want any further contact. The following day, as an afterthought almost, she sent another message saying simply: "Well, she can send me my medical information. She owes me that much."
She also stated that my guilt was not her responsibility and displayed some anger for some reason she chose not to explain to me.
I took the opportunity to give her as much information about everything that I could manage to do. I was not sure if I would ever get another chance, so I laid it all out. I told her what her nationality was on both sides; who was still living and who had died and of what; the health of individuals, including myself; illnesses that ran through or did not run through the family, etc.
I also took that opportunity to tell her the circumstances of her conception, what my life was like, what happened when she was born and after and what my life was like since and now.
Finally, I told her how I chose her name and how happy I was that she had good parents and a good life and loved her parents and especially, was happy.
She wrote once more, suggesting that 'someone was lying' because of some conflicting information she had and I'm not sure what that was about. I do know that she had been looking for at least 10 years and am not sure why she would do that, in order to tell me to buzz off.
You might say she wanted medical information and I hear that a lot. However, I have yet to understand how background medical information can help or hinder anything in a person's life. If you have a family history of certain diseases, I can see where there might be a tendency towards it. However, if you have it, you get treated. If your family had it, that does not mean you will not be treated. It is just additional information.
Knowing there has been no cancer in my family, other than a couple who were very heavy smokers and contracted lung cancer, does not mean I should not get tested for it anyway.
Knowing most of my family lives to be in their 80's might be something that I can look forward to, however my lifestyle has been very different from theirs and there is no telling what I am in for.
Even diseases like sicklecell anemia and taisachs (sic?) that run genetically in families, does not guarantee one will or will not get it.
So I don't really understand the interest in getting medical information that in all probability would be incomplete anyway as often the father's whereabouts is unknown (not always, often) and his history would be required to get a complete picture. Just having the bmother's information is one piece of the puzzle.
Having said all this, I agree that if asked, all stops should be pulled to ensure that the adoptee gets whatever medical information possible to provide them with whatever consolation it might give them.
If you can live without it and you do not want to contact your bmother, then I'd suggest you just let it rest as meeting or speaking to her when you are not ready to do so, would in my mind, open a pandora's box neither of your might regret.
I wish you good luck in your decision. It can't be an easy one, I'm sure. I'm hoping that everything works out the way you need it to.
donnaparadise