[AdrienneG]

We are potential adoptive parents.


The pbmom and her mother contaced my husband and I saying they wish for us to adopt her baby. The pbmom is 14 years old and is my first cousin. Her mother is my aunt.


We have a lawyer who will handle the adoption, since she specializes in interstate adoptions.

What my concerns are the pbmom wants this to be an open adoption, and so does my husband and I. However, her mother has not yet reported to the family (to the other aunt and cousins) that her child is pregnant and that we are planning on adopting her child.

I personally feel that it is her child, and thus her choice as to when she will break the news to everyone.

At the same time I am not intentionally keeping secrets from my family. Since we live far across the country from the pbmom, there is no way we are a part of what is going on with the family dynamics.

Our lawyer is going to look for the pbfather so that he has a say in this adoption. (one thing we are nervous about) The pbirth father vanished to another state from the pbirth mother.

My mother and sister have not been supportive of this adoption. When I share with them updates on our plans to adopt, their response has been to say that the pbmom's mother doesn't speak to them, and that she treats me differently than them, and that the pbmom's mother is keeping the pregnancy a secret from family members.

The two of them have claimed to not have spoken with the pbmom's mother, and have said they wanted me to inform them of the adoption proceedings...and when I tell them, they change the subject to their own problems and issues with the pbmom's mother.

I finally got angry and told them they need to talk directly to the pbmom's mother, because I cannot control her actions. I told my sister that it was obvious when I was sharing with her what we're doing to adopt this child, and how things are going with the pbmom's health and wellbeing and the baby's health, she brought up her own issues with the pbirth grandmother, instead of listened to me and shared in my joy.

My mother and sister have yet to acknowledge that this adoption is not about them...it is about this baby needing a home and this child who is in an unplanned pregnancy.

Have you experienced this yourself? Dissent and opinions in the family against your adopting a child?

My main concern is that we find the pbfather. I want him to at least have the information that he has a child that is going to be placed for adoption. I would rather the pbfather has the information to decide if he wants to raise the child himself or agree to the adoption. I would not prefer that his rights are terminated because they can't find him, yet I accept that this could happen. I feel strongly that both pbparents should have the chance to have a say the baby's adoption.

The pbirth mother wants me to adopt her child. She had been thinking about this since she found out about her pregnancy the day before our grandmother died.

I spoke with her many times and asked if she was sure, and she is very admant (spelling?) that she wants us to adopt her child.

She has been doing so well in school, her debate team won second place, and her teachers are aware of her pregnancy and her plans for us to adopt her baby. She has been getting prenatal care and has a social worker because she is determined for her child to be adopted by us, instead of ending up in the foster care system. She decided she did not want her older sister to care for her child as a guardian. She has gone through all her options and wants us to adopt her child.

Thanks for listening. Any feedback, suggestions would be helpful.

P.S. Thanks for the PM letting me know I was using the wrong language. I am new but luckily I learn fast!

Sincerely,
Adrienne