[marramarie]

When I was 17 I found I had an older sister who was born in June of 1970. I was born a yr. later in Sept. of 1971. This was my mom's first love. She had grown up in a small farm town and had ventured into the big city and met a boy whom he became engaged to. This man was not my father. She was never with another man, and this was her first love. She became pregnant and he left her. She never told her very catholicparents.

I know my sister was born in Tacoma, Washington in June of 1970. The details on her birth are sketchy. My mom said that she went into labor but doesn't remember signing any adoptions papers. She had a C-Section so it could be that they had her sign papers when she was still under somewhat if a sedation. She never saw her daughter/my sister. My mom said she had full intentions of keeping my sister or finding a home for her, but how she was given up was not my mom's choice( since the details of the birth are sketchy, I don't know what to believe )

I was born a yr later. My mom met my father, got pregnant ( see a pattern here?) and they got married. They were ill suited from the start, and she have never gotten married. But that's another story.

I found out I had a sister when I was 16 or 17. My father was arguing with my mom, and I heard them. She was forced to tell me this story. I cried my eyes out. I had been raised an only child, and now I found out I had a sister. Someone who was part of me, half me part of my mom. I was also sort of jealous that there was this sister out there, who if maybe my mom found her, would love her more. I got over that. The reason why the story came out, was that my father's mom told him that she got a call asking for my mom by her maiden name and that she was her daughter. My mom doesn't remember what she wrote on the papers, and how she found my mom through her marriage is a bit odd since everything back then was so closed records wise. We think my dad ( he is a jerk ) lied to sort of get back at my mom, and telling me would ruin the closness we had.

More than anything I would like to find my sister. I want to know her. I want to know who she is. Do I have nieces and nephews, does she look like my mom, do we sound alike? Who is she. Did she have a happy life, and most of all does she want us to be in her life.

This is the first I have ever journeled this anywhere. Most of my friends don't even know I have a sister. I have done some internet searches, but nothing ever comes up. I havn't done it in awhile. I sort of get discourage. I am hoping for that miracle.

Maybe I don't pursue it because deep down I am scared to find my sister, and if she rejects me, that will be hard. I am sure she has a great family that loves her very much, I just want to know her, I want to be her friend if she will let me. But first I have to find her.

I am totally crying as I write this. Thanks for listening.