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I found my son on my own and iniated contact. For me and it seems for him, it has been very welcome and exciting.
His parents, though, are not yet aware of the contact. It's not something that I feel really great about, but it is his choice at this time and I can't go behind his back and do it myself. I have offered to be the one to tell them and take the responsibilty, but he seems to fear the fallout.
I worry because I know that they will probably be hurt by the secret contact. I worry that they will also be angry at me for doing so. And probably with some do cause since they told me that he had not expressed real interest and they didn't want to upset him. Fortunatly for me, they were incorrect on this and he was not adversly effected. Even his girlfirend at the time wrote me and thanked me for making him so happy by finding him.
I still feel bad though and wish they were involved..not for my sake, but for theirs and also for his.
I know if it was my son ( err..wait it is my son..so if I was in their shoes..rather) I would want to be involved in all aspects of my child's life. SO as a mom to another mom...I know they will be upset.
Without putting pressure on my son, I do frequently bring it up and try to encourage being open.
If I had to do it over again....I don't know what I would have done differntly. I am glad I found him when I did, but all of the above. I don't think I would have the ability to wait more than I did or not look. I wish, when I had asked for an update and pictures they would have told him then that I was in contact. I think that if that had happened then he and I a) would have had contact sooner b)it would all be open and honest c) they would not be hurt or feel betrayed d) they could have been involved and not removed for it all e) less pressure of secrets would be on my son.
Maybe I should have pushed more directly to them and told them that they should tell him, but I didn't see that as going over very big either. I am sure that they did what was right for them and what they thought was right for him..it just didn't work out that way.
I can only hope now that we all emerge from this slight cloud and can all exist together. I can only hope that they can see that our son is ready and very happy to know his other family. He is an amazing boy and they clearly kept thier end of the promises..he has grown up to be himself...so clearly can I see my bloodline in him and his personalty and traits. It is incredible.
I wish they could share it with us both.
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