Hi all,
Im needing some parenting/attachment/bonding type advice so of course I run here to these boards and you all! ;-)
We have been home with our 2 kids for 10-11 weeks now. Our daughter is 14 months old (but developmentally/physically more of a 10 month old) and our son is 2.4 years old. I am a stay at home mom.
My daughter has always been very needy and insecure, so I have to hold her most all of the time. I actually love it (I feel so blessed to have gotten "the baby" experience) but Im wondering if there are times that I should say no when she wants me to pick her up, which is almost constantly except for the couple of times during the day that she is occupied in a toy or with her brother.
Like the times I am cooking dinner for instance, or the times I absolutely have to be on the phone (talking to the pediatrican, the adoption agency) or the times I need to brush my teeth! ;-)
She will cry and cry and put her arms out to me with this pained look on her face and I just melt. But there are just those times I cant hold her and its hard for me to say no. And yes, I give her toys to distract her, I give her some fish crackers whatever....but I am always right there in the same room with her and sometimes she cant even handle that--she wants only to be held.
Now I know all the attachment advice and Ive read all the 'biggie" books, and they essentially say to induldge them as if they are newborns, cater to their whims etc.
But at what point does she have to learn "Mommys arms are busy now, you will not die if she doesnt hold you, you are OK by yourself right now." ???
It breaks my heart when she cries like that, but its just not possible to hold her all the time (and she hates the baby carrier idea, so that didnt work.)
Thanks for any/all advice.
PS I do remember in one of the attachment books, it said something like "you dont have to meet all their whims, just make sure you are constantly meeting their needs." Isnt needing to be held a need?
