OMG, was I not prepared for our almost 5 yr old's reaction
.
I thought we had prepared him for his new brother, and he was very excited, right up until the first morning after we got home. We had been home about 12 hours when we first heard, "I want him to go back". Our newest DS was just over 2, our bio DS was 3 months shy of 5. #1 was not prepared for a child who he really couldn't play with (2's don't play 'with' well, and have different interests than 4/5's). He was also not prepared for a sib. who didn't want to play with him, but did want to touch and relocate all his stuff.
#1 became uncontrollably angry, and put us in therapy with him by the time we were home 1 month with #2. The main thing we pulled out of our therapy sessions was to reafirm #1 constantly. We were told to keep all our emotion out of our discipline (which is hard when you're tired and frustrated), and to keep the tone in our home low and pleasant. We got the book, The Five Love Languages for Children by Gary Chapman. We use some of each language with both boys daily.
Now, 4 1/2 months later, we have eased out of the anger with #1 and are now in to what we assume is normal sibling rivalry. On that note, we too thought we could deal with rivalry without much effort - not so
. That constant back and forth bickering, 'he did this, he touched that', that's mine, it's my turn, why did he get more, why did you look at him first, why did you smile at him longer, etc............................................... .................................................. .............. It just never ends
, or so it seems.
This isn't a negative post (although this statement may be hard to believe). I ablsolutely LOVE having two children, and #2 is just a cutie pie!! My point is to be prepared and get help ASAP if you need it. We were headed in the wrong direction very fast. If we hadn't gotten help, I'm sure our issues with #1 would have had negative effects on the attachement process for #2.
Out of everything they both complain about, the one thing that they both love, always, is sharing a room. I would recommend this to anyone with same gender children remotely close to the same age.
Have fun with your own #2. We are really enjoying our new addition.
