It sounds like you've been prepping your son well.
We brought our son home 6 weeks ago, and we also have a 4.5 yo DD. She had been excitedly waiting for a little brother through our 17-month process, and we had done as others have posted - talked about how he would need some of our attention, and that we love each other and help each other no matter what, even when it's hard or we don't feel like it, etc. She was beyond thrilled when we brought him home. But, we quickly saw something we hadn't expected...she was disappointed that at 12 months he couldn't "do" more. It seems she was expecting him to be more like her best friend's little sister who is 2.5. And she was really blue about the attention we gave him. But she took out her anxieties on us not him, with some negative behavior (under the all attention is good theory), but that's improved significantly.
DH and I made sure she was still getting lots of attention, but she had to get used to not having all of it. (and by the way, our DS gets mad when I pay attention to DD - even if I'm just brushing her hair!
And in a twisted way, that helps DD - she sees that there are times when she gets the attention over DS) She is very verbal, so she told us when she felt sad that we were focusing too much on DS and we talked about what babies need. We are so proud of how well she's doing now! Things don't always go smoothly, but it's much, much better. When she hears him wake up from a nap, she's the first to go in and talk to him - she has a little stool next to the crib so they can see eye to eye. And he adores her - she brings toys to him and he toddles after her everywhere. She now realizes what he can and cannot do, and delights in "teaching" him things.
I also try to do some cuddling every day with BOTH of them snuggled up on my lap. Aside from how wonderful it feels, I hope it will help them realize that Mommy can be "shared".
I hope you hear soon, so your little guy can put his big brother ideas into reality!
- Maura
