[votemom]

Four is kind of a hard age. They are old enough to understand more than toddlers, yet not old enough to understand all the family dynamics that are going to come into play.

I think it's important to try and explain that there will be many days when he is very happy about having a new sibling. But there will be days when he may think it was a bad idea to adopt a new sibling.

He needs to know that those feelings are going to come. He needs to know that there will be days when you are going to be very, very tired and perhaps may not be as patient or "happy" as he may be used to. This doesn't mean that your love for him has changed.

Change IS coming and it can be exciting but it can be hard. Even though he's little, I think using phrases like "in our family, we help each other out even on hard days", and "in our family, even when we are mad at each other, we still love each other and treat each other the way we know is right", and "in our family, we take care of each other", and "I'm so glad God chose both you and _____ to be in our family - that was a GOOD idea He had, even though it can be hard, God knew we could handle it and He will help us."



I've heard of some families who for the first year or so, carve out a special time with the first child with either mom or dad (or rotate perhaps), when they can regularly connect privately and talk honestly about what they are feeling and experiencing. I think it's such a good idea.