Jenna,
First, it's great to see you.
I guess you and I are in the same boat here, so I really can't offer anything concrete, but...I think I know what you mean.
It's sometimes hard for me, too, imagining the coming home part. I feel the little kicks, I see the little pictures. I talk to the tiny baby currently trying to punch me into semi-consciousness from the inside. But when actually he gets here, you're so right, how will I feel? After quite a bit of thought, I concluded that what it may feel like is a weird, wonderful combination of "What do I do NOW?" (shock, panic, nervousness) and "At LAST." (he's home! he's staying! finally, finally, this is real!)
Maybe some tears, too. Tears of joy, of course, and perhaps a few of sadness, because what I have with him, I never had, and can never have, with K. I waited so long for this moment, and I had almost given up hope that it would ever be here. Yes, a tiny voice inside my head told me that I did not deserve this. Mostly I can ignore it. Sometimes it still makes itself heard. Yet I stand poised on the brink of it, the brink of this crazy leap of faith into parenthood. Part of me is still really scared, but most of me is filled with awe and love and anticipation. Half the time I want to shout for joy, and half the time I am frantic, wondering how I will ever be able to measure up to the challenge.
I don't know if this helps at all, or if it even makes any sense, but I'm always here if you need to talk.
