(((Navywife)))
My heart just goes out to you. HUGE (((((((hugs))))))). I'm so sorry you are facing all of this.
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My DH and I really want to work on fixing our marriage and both want to go to councling both together and apart. I know its going to be a long hard pregnancy due to all the emotions involved. I just dont know yet what is going to be best for this baby, and thats the thing that is most important to me, this baby and its future.
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FABULOUS news that you and your dh are going to undertake both couples counseling and individual counseling. That is absolutely the best, best thing you can do for yourselves AND your baby. I honestly believe that as long as you are both really, really honest with yourselves, each other, and your counselors, that you're going to come out of this ok... whether that means placing, parenting, staying together, or not, I don't know... but in the end, OK.
As for not knowing yet what to do for the baby (parent or place), it's OKAY that you don't know yet. In fact, I think it's wise to not get your mind set on one particular plan this early on. Give the counseling some time... see what kinds of issues and thoughts come up in the sessions... find out where your dh's heart and your own really stand on this issue of placement vs. parenting... and then allow some time for BOTH your hearts to change, too. You are only a few months along. You have plenty of time. I know it doesn't feel that way, but you do. You can't sign away your rights before the birth anyway; and you can take as long as you need to AFTER the birth to decide what you're going to do, too. You can put the baby in temporary foster care or take the baby home with you and try parenting for a bit, to see how it all feels and what the dynamic is, after the birth..... in short, YOU HAVE TIME. Don't rush into any big decisions.
Many, many ((((hugs)))). I'll be thinking about you. I found myself in a similar circumstance--although in my case, the bio father was married, and I was not; but I started dating my now-dh soon after getting pregnant, and we were engaged by the time I placed my daughter. So I too had to think about the issue of whether or not my life partner would be able to raise another man's child. It's different, I know, but there is so much of what you're saying that I can relate to. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to pm. ((((((Hugs))))))
Nicole