[pahlsm]

Normal??? What is that exactly... I got out of the house for little while and we went for a short walk which seemed to help. I don't think I am at a point that I need meds or anything but I don't want to get to that point either. I sent my boss an email that baiscally said how I felt and how I thought he felt about the way things are going... I haven't heard back. I am one of those give 150-% to everything I do and wonder why others don't, I know I know get over it right. Well I am trying. I just don't want the pressure any more. I can't afford most of the help many were talking about so I think the best solution is to give up my at home job. I don;t make that much money at it and the stress and unhappiness isn't worth it. I just didn't want to have to give it up... but I don't see how I can't. I think the truth of the matter if I am honest with myself is that I really don't like my work... I dreamed for 10 years about being a stay at home mom.. and all that goes with it. I am resentful of having to work when I really don't want to and I know that I don't "have" to work... but dh really likes the extra money. I haven't been very upfront with him about all of this because of his stress and what I have come to realize is that it is a never ending cicle. I need to be honest with him and do what is right for me which will in turn be right for all of us and if that means giving up my job then so be it.... Boy you guys are good.... Did I make any sense. Now I just have to get the strength to do it... Oh that is the hard part. It is so hard to tell my dh that I need out of this job as he has never failed at anything and is so sucessful. I sometimes feel he just won't understand so I don't talk about it... or better yet he will say "oh this is all you have to do to fix it and all will be ok" well it can't be fixed.... Ok oK enough of my rambling on and on.... I thank you all so very much for the support. I know that I haven't been around as much as I should but it seemed like just another thing to have to do amoung all the other piles.... hugs to you all, Kathleen