Hello all. I am writing with a heavy heart and not really wanting to admit my feelings but feel as though I need to get it out and thought or rather hoped that I am not the only one that has or is going through this. I am so happy to be a mom. Emma is a wonderful child and a very easy toddler... The problem is that I work from home a few hours a week and try to be the SUPER mom-wife-employee. I get so overwheelmed with the thought of failure that I simply don't do anything because I am so afraid of failure. All I really want it to enjoy Emma when she is awake, catch up on the house when she is asleep and enjoy some TV once everyone is in bed for the night... what really happens as I spin my wheels not getting any of this done go from thing to thing never accomplishing anything as I feel guilty when I am doing one thing that I should be doing the other. I feel bad when I am trying to get things done and not on the floor with Emma playing and enjoying her. The constant nag in my mind of the work that needs done to the house to the millions of things that I had hoped to do on the Extra things list is driving me crazy. I want to get out of the house and go to the play ground... enjoy play groups talk to other moms... but all the STUFF here keeps me in and then the depression starts. I stay up at night watching tv so that tomorrow might no come so soon. I am on edge with my DH and he is under enough stress at his job that once I bite is head off for no reason I then beat myself up over that and can't get passed it. Then there is the "where is the mom" time that I want yet I don't want. I had 10 years of that why should I feel as though I need that... I do but I feel so bad wanting it. Oh please tell me this will pass. We have been home for 8 months now and the as my aunt said "Honeymoon" is over... reallity hits and this is what is left over.
I love Emma and she is wonderful it is all the other crap that is in the way. Thanks for letting me vent, Kathleen