[navywife05]

I just wanted to tell everyone thank you for responding. I just went to the DR today and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time and had an ultrasound to find out exactly how far along I am. I am 10 weeks and 3 days..so I am due 4/24/06, this will be my 4 c-section.
My DH and I really want to work on fixing our marriage and both want to go to councling both together and apart. I know its going to be a long hard pregnancy due to all the emotions involved. I just dont know yet what is going to be best for this baby, and thats the thing that is most important to me, this baby and its future.
Seeing my baby this morning for the first time was as amazing as the last 3 times I was pregnant. Part of me wants to keep this baby and love it as I love my other 3 kids, but part of me thinks it will be better to give it to another family....I never thought Id be 25 and trying to make this decission. I just want to sit down and cry.
My DH will be home in about 5 weeks and I am so excited about him coming home, but also terriefed of how things are going to be. I knwo that he loves me and will stand by me no matter what I decide, but I hate that I have to make this discission alone. Becasue nomatter what anyone says ultimatly it is my decission alone.
I know that if I do decide to give this baby up for adoption I wont let the bio father have it alone cuz he hasnt even taken care of the 8 y/o daughter he has now who has cancer, he never sees her and never provides for her financially so why should I think he could care for this one.
Im just so confussed....Ill keep you all updated...I knwo I still have 30 weeks to go, so hopefully sometime in the next 30 weeks I will make the right decision.

Navywife