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Thanks all for the great comments and suggestions. Like missourimom and sneezy, we don't pay for our family to come visit and still maintain great relationships with our immediate family. I guess that is where our hesitation comes in - as to what could be expected and in actuality we won't know until the situation comes up. Number1 - you are so right that we don't have to make the rules for the rest of our lives. We'll strive to stay fluid and let the relationship develop as will be best for our family and our dd. Of course in a perfect world that would be for everyone to maintain communication - so she grows up self confident and sure of her identity - like we all want for our kids.
I would love to view bmom as family - but due the choices that she continues to make, we must maintain distance. We have told her that we are moving at the end of October - she was a bit shocked and disappointed, but we quickly followed up scheduling a visit for this weekend and letting her know that we were open to visiting more frequently in this last month before we leave.
We do plan to let her know that letters/pictures/cards will still come her way w/o fail. That is a promise I can make and stand by without trouble. We are trying to approach this proactively, with compassion for bmom's feelings while at the same time trying to get ourselves moved and all the stress it entails.
Thanks all - it is much appreciated.
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