[tobeafamily]

Unfortunately, any way you go there will be pain.

First, you and your husband must decide if your marriage can be repaired, and if so, if you're both willing to do the work to make that happen.

For any relationship to work, there must be three things present:

Love
Respect
Trust

Trust, well, that's been damaged. Can you rebuild that? Possibly.

Respect - by being honest with each other, you can maintain this. What does your husband wish to do? Is he willing to be a parent to a child not born to him? Is he willing to have the child's biological father also participate in his childs' upbringing as a parent?

Love - this is of course the basis. Though of the three, it's the least important because love waxes and wanes. When that happens, it's trust and respect that get you through.


As for the child you are carrying - you, your husband and this child's father must be involved in decisions.

I'm gathering that the child's father wishes to be a parent. Is he in a position where he can be the primary caregiver, is this something he wants to do? If you do end up deciding that placing this child with adoptive parents is the best path for your marriage and family, is he willing to support this?

I would strongly recommend you go through individual and marriage counseling. It's worth it.

My best goes out to all of you. I've got 14 years experience being a Navy Wife. It really is the toughest job in the Navy. So please, despite what's happened, be gentle with yourself.

Regina