[Missourimomtobe]

I don't believe you should be expected to pay for her trips to visit, house her if she does visit, or pay any other expenses, such as phone cards, etc. You say the bio mother knew all along that you were planning to move out of state (and in Alaska, it's not like any state is going to be a quick day trip) yet she still chose you to place her child with. Clearly, she believes you are the best people to raise the child and make good decisions for his/her future. Sometimes, those decisions become very difficult ones that mean little or no physical contact with the bio parents.

While it would be great if you can arrange for an occasional visit back to Alaska, the fact remains that this is your family and you must do what is in your family's best interests. Not all open adoptions need visits to be successful; keeping the lines of communication open and continuing letters, pictures and/or phone calls are all certainly acceptable methods of providing contact as the child may need it.

Don't feel pressured into providing anything, in my opinion. You were honest about your plans, even if they have been moved up, and you should not feel guilty about this move in any way. It's unfortunate that she will not partake in counseling; it must make it feel as if you need to "fix" things for her when in reality you do not. Perhaps you can let the agency know of your plans and ask them to contact her to help her through the transition?

Peace,