[Missourimomtobe]

QUOTE - "I’m not sure what it is about adoptive parent/birth parent relationships that make things so difficult when a birth parent reaches out."

Brandy, I think what makes it so difficult in many cases are a variety of reasons which may or may not apply in any given situation.

a) the legalities involved - state laws are extremely strict and it is impressed upon adopting parents thorughout the placement process that NO monies cross directly between bio and adopting parents. This makes it feel scary post-placement to deal with any kind of direct money dealings even if they may be perfectly legal.

b) some have dealt with situations where the money requests are never ending so the topic becomes quite touchy and begins to feel as if we are expected to support the person for life because we adopted their child. I think some parents have merely seen or heard of these situations and fear the worst; others have experienced it firsthand. Once you feel exploited or somehow pressured in a monetary situation, it's difficult not to feel that way the next time you are asked for money.

c) It may not necessarily be the adoption situation that makes it difficult, it may be simply the fact that lending money to friends or family can often (not always) cause hurt feelings and damage relationships in the long run.
Everyone has their own comfort levels in dealing with money situations when friends or family ask. It's great that you could help in your situation; not everyone has that ability either emotionally or financially.

Frankly, I've been burned before by both family AND friends in monetary situations and have personally made a decision to not help others with straight dollars. You can come live with me, I'll buy you groceries or clothes, I will pay your doctor directly, etc. but I will not hand over cash.

Peace,