[amissingpiece]

Today was a particularly crappy day for me. Mondays at my job are really yucky and all I can think about is that I should be planning to bring home a baby boy in a few weeks...But I'm not. (I was planning to be a stay at home mom, and my co-workers are super annoying now that there is no "end" in sight). Everything (including work) is easier to bear when you have the excitement of knowing that your dreams are coming true, which up until 10 days ago, was the case for myself and dh.

Nobody understands these feelings at my job. I get comments like: "oh, well, theres more where he came from". What people don't realize is that potential adoptive parents truly become "vested" in the adoption plan and actually begin to love a potential child, even without carrying him or her. In our case, we were planning a fully open adoption, with family visits, calls, and frequent photos with mother, grandmom, aunts, uncles, and biological dad's family. It's truly like losing a friend as well. I'm disappointed that birth-mom had so little respect for us. I expected more of her, I guess.

Gina, My heart goes out to you. If there is a silver lining for us, it is that we didn't have to experience the pain of actually meeting baby, taking care of baby and then ultimately giving baby up. I can only imagine the pain of your wounds at this time.

It helps me to continue to walk into the nursery (which was decorated prior to our match with a birthmom, so it's not so much like it was done especially for him) Dh thinks that I'm nuts, but for me, it's therapeutic to focus now on "girl" clothes. It's distracting, and right now for me, it gets me by.

Thanks for listening to me rant and rave. I know that many of you feel my pain, and actually, it feels real good to share it.