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well I am joining the ranks of the 'failed adoption' group... ours was a slightly different situation in that we were contacted by our sons birthmom who found herself pregnant again (5 babies, 4 dads, 6 years). She asked us to adopt this baby too and we asked about 4 million times if she was sure, to which she replied 'absolutely' each and every time.
4 months go by, we are in constant contact (phone calls at least once a week, emails etc), she even called me from the ultrasound room to tell me it was a boy... we did all the things expectant parents do - we spent loads of money on baby stuff and told everyone we knew our good news !
I went to visit her 2 weeks ago to go to her dr's appointment with her, the dr said she was 'getting ready' and if I wanted to be there for the birth I should stay in town. Three days later (on my dads birthday no less) she went into labor, I was the one she called to take her to the hospital (I should note here that the birthdad had not been involved up to this point, he told her to have an abortion and if she didnt he'd kill the baby as soon as she brought it home). Well about 5 minutes before the baby was born the birthdad shows up at the hospital.
He was polite, and didn't cause any problems. But later that night he did get into an arguement with the nurses about the birth certificate and they promptly had him banned from the hospital.
We left the birthmom to recover and get settled, my husband and I went out to dinner with our son and couldn't stop talking about the baby and how we had 2 sons and they would be so close etc etc. That was monday night.
On Tuesday we stopped by to visit with her in the morning, and promised we would stop by later when the attorney came to talk with her. Which we did and at this point everything still seemed fine. She did mention that the birthdad had called and begged her to see the baby, promising he would be nice that he just wanted to see the baby before we took him home. The nurses agreed to let him visit later that night.
On Wednesday morning we stopped by the hospital to visit and found the birthdad and his sister along with bags and bags of baby stuff (clothes, bottles etc) and a brand new car seat. My heart literally stopped beating for a few seconds. The birthmom pulled us outside and said that the birthdad's family had sent all that stuff for the baby because they wanted to get him something and didnt know what all we had or needed. She assured us everything was fine. She was released from the hospital later that morning but the baby wasn't going to be released until the afternoon. She called and let us know that she was going to run some errands and get some food. But would call us later to make arrangements to pick the baby up. When she called later she asked if she could come to our hotel to talk. When she got there she said that she was feeling really emotional about it all and that she didnt have anyone to talk to since her parents had told her if she kept the baby she couldnt stay with them anymore. We talked for a while and then went to get the baby. We brought him home from the hospital to the hotel.
On Thursday, I called the birthmom to see how she was doing and see if she wanted to see us and the baby. She said it would be okay for us to come by. So in the early afternoon we stopped by her parents house. Our birthmom was in bed and didn't want to come out to see us and respecting how hard it must be for her, we visited briefly with her parents and then left. Later that afternoon she called and said she was missing the baby and wanted to see us. Her parents, her and her 3 daughters and us went out to dinner. She didn't want to hold the baby, she just stared at him and watched us with him. After dinner we went back home.
On Friday morning just before 8 am (and 3 hours before she was to sign the papers) she called our hotel and told me that she wanted him back. She wouldn't sign the papers, and that was that. I couldn't even talk, I started crying and handed my husband the phone. He made arrangements to return the baby to her.
Then we came home, without our son who we had named and loved and taken care of.
It's been a few days now and I am not so sad anymore but more angry - I feel completely misled and lied to considering that we already have her older son. She is the one that asked us to take the baby, it just came out of left field.
I realize that as a birthmom she has the right, and I respect that. But like others have posted here, I wish she had just been honest about it.
thanks for listening
gina
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