(((Amissingpiece))))
I'm so sorry you are going thru this pain. I know how you feel about feeling betrayal by the pbmom. I was in the same shoes as you last year. We developed a close relationship with the bmom, bfather and the grandma. When the little boy was born, we talked from the hospital as I was giving her time alone with him. She kept telling me she is sure of this, even after she held him and feed him for 3 days. Little did I know that she was pleading with her mother and everyone else to let her keep the baby while telling me, I know this is the best.
I think the betrayal is what really hurts the most. Why lie? Why not say, look I'm having second doubts. I don't want to do this but am being pushed into it. Or I don't know if I can do this. Why not be honest? The only thing that comes to my mind is they want to know that someone is there waiting, just in case they do want/have to place. That is cruel situation to put the aparents in but no one is really thinking of us then and many people will say, they shouldn't think of us. Maybe I agree with that, but is it wrong with acknowledging that you have caused pain to someone? Is it so hard to say, "I'm sorry I put you thru this". My gosh those words can go a long way to healing a broken heart. When they don't acknowledge you, it makes it much harder to deal with.
My second failed placement ended with the pbmom telling our social worker that she doesn't give a crap about me. She could care less about helping me heal, giving me an answer, some peace, even a small "I'm sorry". After being matched for 3 months, meeting everyone, buying things for her and the baby and the grandma and the bfather. I felt like a fool that was lied to and I was so very hurt. We're supposed to be considerate to them but they don't have to be considerate to us. The whole thing just made me sick.
I honestly can say that the only thing that took away the pain of that last failed placement was receiving another baby. With my first failed placement, the pbmom got on the phone with me while she was at the hospital and told me she was going to raise him. I was fine with that. She was so considerate to me and kept saying she was sorry. Healing from that failed placement was easier then the second one, simply because the pbmom acknowledged my pain. When they slap you in the face, won't talk to you and don't give a darn about you, then it's hard to feel good about it. When you 've been used and lied to, the pain takes a very long time to go away.
I hope that your pain doesn't last long and that another situation arises soon. If you ever want to talk privately, just pm me. I'm here for you! The only thing that got me thru those early weeks after our failed placement was just putting one foot in front of the other. I didn't look ahead and I tried not to look back. I couldn't buy a thing for any more babies. I packed up everything and locked the nursery. That helped a lot not having to see all the baby stuff I bought for him. Later, when we did get a little boy, I still could not use the clothes because it reminded of that little boy. Someday, I hope to see him. He lives so close to me and I already saw the mother with him at the mall once when he was just a newborn.
The best advice I can give you is that when you do get your baby and the child is truly your's, you will say, thank heavens!!!! Thank you for all the failed placements that lead me to you. Then the pain, just goes away, well most of it.
In my heart, there is a small spot with each failed placements name on it, two little boys that grew in my heart, but for whatever reason, never were meat to be mine. You won't forget them. Just like any woman that suffers a miscarriage, they will stay with you but the pain goes away.
Hang in there!
(((hugs)))