[LisaCA]

it's clear this is a difficult one. you might send bmom some phone cards so that she can call, send tons of photos when you first arrive, even if you don't have the time (unpacking and all) take the time.

I think also helping her pay the cost of a visit might be nice. Your child will appreciate getting to know her, plus it will keep your relationship together as well.

our dd is 14.5 months, and we visited bfamily (we live 2000 miles away). we made a committment to ourselves to try and get out there as much as possible, hoping to see them at least once a year. It's expensive and we're not rich, but we've made this committment to ourselves and dd. we viewed adopting dd not just adding a daughter to the family, but acquiring a new set of relatives (who, happily, we like) with committments and the like. fortunately her bfamily feels the same way.

and I can understand not wanting bmom to stay with you-none of my relatives are allowed to stay with me, but you can help to put her up in a hotel or something, or maybe other family members can provide a place to stay. All the moves you make in this first year or so are the groundwork for your future relationship. anything you can do to reach out your heart and arms to her will at least give you comfort that you've done what you need to do to maintain a good relationship for your child.

good luck with everything including the move! we're planning a move next year and ugh, it seems like it will be 3x as hard with a kid around than before .

lisa