[smanette]

Michelle,

My husband and I have 1 adopted son, Japanese/Korean, who we Foster/Adopted. He is perfect and wonderful. We cannot have birth children of our own but can adopt children. There is nothing more fulfilling for us. So, this last year we had attempted a high risk adoption of two brothers, who we had in our home for 9 months. We lost them to their biological Aunt this last June even though we were only about 1 month from finalizing the adoption. I love those boys and nothing will change that. I feel like they died. I spent all summer crying with my remaining son patting me on the back saying, "Kay, Mommy" in that sweet little 3 year old voice. I ended up going home to my mom for some extra support for a few weeks. To compound the feelings of loss we were told by the State that we wouldn't be allowed to attempt another adoption for at least another year. So, we felt like we were being beat down continuously.

We didn't have the money tied up in the adoption as you did, but we had the emotions tied up. We jumped through hurdle after hurdle that many of the Social Workers we were involved with claimed were outrageous and that most adoptive parents wouldn't have attempted for nearly as long. Each month we were given a new task to complete and more paperwork (they were changing agencies, Social Workers and contractors, etc.). It was terribly difficult and the day the boys' Social Worker came to pick them up I thought I was going to die. The only thing that saved me, at the time, was my remaining son.

So, since we won't be allowed to adopt through the State then we have decided to try an International Adoption through China. We are happy and excited. We just began the process but can hardly wait until we see our newest addition. We understand there are no guarantees, but we have enough faith to give our hearts over to someone else, again. We'll keep doing that until we get the large family we're hoping for.

You obviously have faith. Let that be your guide. We are all mere mortals and there is only that higher being who knows what we are meant to do. Follow your heart, as that's your only guide as to what He wants from you!!!

All my best,
Manette