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more info
DD is 9 months old now. I never did want to approach it with bmom that 'we told you this would happen.' I was just relaying that info for context of the story.
We are very sensitive to the bmom's feelings, and do understand that we can't change how she feels. I know this will be a blow to her - but the point I was trying to make was that this isn't related to us trying to take the child away - but rather that this has always been part of the plan. What I didn't say before was that we were planning on going this fall all along - but then plans feel through - so we planned on Spring - then just now they have changed again and we have the opportunity to go.
I do appreciate the fact that she may not be able to talk about how the relationship will change - and do like the letter idea - so she'll have something to think about. I believe that would be a good idea.
Unfortunately this isn't an easy triad - not that we thought it would be - as we were told from the start that our bmom can be unreliable and manipulative.
Overall we do want what is best for dd - and we still believe that would be an open relationship with bmom would benefit dd as well as bmom - but at the same time aren't willing to risk bringing chaos into our lives due to poor choices on the part of bmom.
Thank you for the comments - as I always want to hear another perspective to be sure we are being considerate.
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